We used to live in a world precious to us – you and me. Us. We. It was a world full of colors, explorations, and possibilities. It felt good to be in this world – with you. And you was all I needed. And I was all you needed. It was a world in which we gave each other what the other needed most. We loved and cared for each other. We held and comforted each other. We affirmed and supported each other. We desired and made love to each other. Together we were strong. Together we were safe. Together we were complete and whole. Complementing each other. You the moon, I the sun. Ying and Yang.
It was a world in which we spent every possible minute together. Getting up together, driving to work together, going shopping together, enjoying our garden together, cooking together, snuggling on the couch together, going to bed together. Eight hours too long to be apart. Emails and phone calls connecting us throughout the day. A together-world.
That together-world is gone. Replaced by this strange alone-world. A world that still has its beauties, but all I can see is through dark-tinted glasses. A world that is not mine. Separate from me, an invisible barrier keeping me from being a part of it. A world apart from me. A strange world in which time moves so quickly when time has come to a standstill for me. The relentless pace of life passing me by, leaving me behind. A world in which people feel joy, are happy and laugh and all I can manage is a forced grimace of a smile.
I am a stranger in this strange world. Looking around, my head spinning as I am trying to make sense of this new strange world. What is this strange world?
When I close my eyes, or when I look at our photos, I can still feel our old together-world. The lost world. The world that will never come back.
Instead I have to face this new strange world. Every day. And I hate it. I hate this world. It sucks being me in this world. Big time. It totally sucks.
Because I will never have our together-world again. Never. Ever.