For most of my life I couldn’t wait for you to come. You brought the promises of spring, the gray of winter gone: flowers popping up everywhere; trees becoming green again; the warming rays of the sun beckoning us to spend time outside without the sweltering heat of summer.
You were a month filled with countless moments of joy and happiness. In May 2004 Wen’s and my together-life began. I’ll never forget when Wen told me she’d handed in her 2-week notice so that she could move to Germany to be with me. Wow! I remember sitting on the plane, barely able to wait to see my love again, ready to help her pack up her life and come back with me. We’d only been apart for a few weeks and yet, it had felt like ages – despite our daily hours-long phone calls. On May 27, 2004 we arrived at Frankfurt Airport: two cats, a bike, four suitcases and bags filled to the brim (even the Weber grill was stuffed into one!). Happy and so excited and committed to spending the rest of our lives together.
May 27, 2005 we got married.
Dear May, you are our anniversary month.
Dear May, you were also the month of: enjoying Gay Pride, Mother’s Day, my mom coming to visit us and traveling together, graduating and celebrating first my Master’s and than my Doctoral degree in Education, getting excited for summer as the academic year is coming to an end, the buzz of a campus filled with students transitioning to the quietness of summer, enjoying first barbecues and evenings around the fire pit.
This year, May, Nik will graduate from Tufts. He made it through despite all. I can’t believe Wen will only be there in spirit. I remember Wen and I dropping off our son. Four years later and she is no longer with us.
Dear May, you used to be a great month. I used to love you. Now I can’t enjoy you anymore. I just miss Wen too much. Too many tough days to get through. Every weekend being tossed into the maelstrom of bittersweet memories. This weekend, Gay Pride. Next weekend, Mother’s Day. The weekend after that, Nik’s graduation. And finally, May 27 – our anniversary.
Dear May, some months are worse than others. The flip-side of all those wonderful moments is the soul-crushing fact that all these moments are now just memories. Nothing more.
I’m sorry dear May. You are now one of the worst months for me.