Anguish

Graduation Memory
Oh, those Facebook memories. Sometimes so brutal. Torturous.
 
May 8.
 
Two years ago, May 8, 2015, I walked the stage, officially received my doctorate. What a happy joyful wonderful day. And, of course, Wen added her humor to it, commenting about my little mishap when trying to get off the stage: “omg, she is smart enough to earn a doctorate but gets lost on the stage.”
 
Wen was so proud of me. And I know I couldn’t have done it without her. Her unconditional love and support, the hours she spent watching TV while I sat next to her, reading, highlighting, writing…The hours we spent talking about my work. She read every word of my thesis. Her spirit flows through my dissertation. Wen, I am who I am only because of you.
 
Then last year May 8, 2016…20 weeks…Mothers’ Day. Pain. Anguish. The Pitchblack Abyss of Grief.
 
May 8, 2017…72 weeks… The juxtaposition of those two days – a year apart – jarring. Ripping me open again…The memories tearing at me… Wen, my love, with you, I lost so much…myself included…I miss you and our life like crazy… These days…So hard…Soul crushing…Again…Being in ANGUISH…
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