demon, destroyer, tormentor, souleater – creator, connector, memory holder
Demon-destroyer-tormentor-souleater-grief speaks (menacing, cajoling, enticing):
Hah, here I am. I am powerful and strong.
I am always here. Will always be there. Don’t worry. I’ll never leave you. I’ll be your constant companion. I’ll follow you. Wherever you go. Whatever you do. Forever. You’ll never get rid of me. No matter how hard you try. No matter what you try. I’ll always stay with you. Sometimes I will be quiet and you’ll wonder where I am. It’s unsettling not to cry, isn’t it? Don’t worry. Your tears will be back. I promise you, I will be back. For sitting quietly in the shadows of your soul is not my strong suit. I get impatient. Demand to be faced, seen, heard, acknowledged, and released. Don’t you dare to ignore me. When you least expect it, there I am.
I’m a shapeshifter and can take any form. I can hide in the words of a song, the bite of an apple, the scent of shampoo, a scene in a movie. You can feel me when you look at the photos that surround you, the purple flowers in your garden, the rubber duckies on the shelf, the candles burning at night. I sit next to you in the car, walk beside you every day, envelop you at night, and visit you in your dreams.
I speak in many voices. Growl, howl, and scream. Thunder, boom, and screech. Hiss, murmur, and whisper. Sigh, mutter, and moan. Rarely I’m silent, always ready to erupt.
I am always hungry, wanting to be fed. Hungry for your pain and suffering. Waiting until I can devour you again.
What you don’t want me to come? Well, guess what, you don’t have a chance. I’m stronger than you. I do what I want. And I am patient, will wait for the right moment to sink my claws into you again. Rip open your insides, let my piranha teeth tear your flesh, torment your soul. I can descend upon you, envelop you, slice you open, swallow you up and spit you out, turn you inside out and upside down, put an iron-grip on your heart and soul, bring you darkness with no ray of light to see.
You know you don’t want me to go away, don’t you? Because I connect you to her: your soulmate, your lover, your muha. Without me, you’d lose her. You know that, right? So one thing I won’t do. I will never abandon you. That I promise you.
You are scared of me? You didn’t invite me? So what? I come as I please and do what I want. And I’ll be back with more. Just wait and see.
I hate that you try to keep me in check. Do you think I’ll go away if you write me or create through me? Don’t be stupid. I’ll never go away. I’ll be with you until you die. But thank you for letting me speak.
Hello grief, it’s me. I don’t know what to do or say to this. What if you are a liar? What if that is what you do, spread grief by creating grief? Grief, I hate you. You have destroyed me, my world, my everything. And I know you’ll never go away. You’re right about that. It’s so hard to fight you when you are the demon-tormentor-souleater. It takes all of my strength. But I know there’s also the creator-connector-memory holder – grief. Demon-tormentor-souleater-grief are you the real grief? And the other is just a sidekick? Something to keep me going?
My dear, this is your creator-connector-memory holder – grief speaking:
Thank you for calling me forth. I thought you never would. I am the light of your grief. Like a torch illuminating part of the darkness. I am the rope out of the abyss of grief. I am your door into the world. Call upon me. I know I’m still weak. But I can become stronger the more you call on me. Just like demon-tormentor-souleater-grief, I am always there and never completely go away. Just think how you used me to give demon-tormentor-souleater-grief a voice and a form.
I am your tool.
I am your weapon.
I am your strength.
Even when the other grief is tormenting you, I am still here.
NEVER FORGET THAT.