Memory Streams

We loved to travel together. Explore new places; go back to loved, familiar ones. We loved to find those cool, funky spaces. The ones that have a magic about them. Where you go and you don’t just see but you feel. Some we found researching; others we stumbled across. We loved art. Strolling through a … More Memory Streams

Milestones

Sometimes it is the everyday small moments that throw you back into the depths of grief. Sometimes it is the huge moments – those milestones that have significance beyond the day. Last weekend marked such a milestone: our younger son Nik’s graduation from Tufts. With a B.A. in Sociology and Environmental Science. Summa cum laude … More Milestones

Mothers’ Day

As I was reading through my Facebook feed this morning the sense of overwhelming sadness that had been building all week engulfed me completely. For days posts had been coming up that offer validation of all the complex emotions that surround Mother’s Day. Then today, of course, all the personal messages to mothers of all … More Mothers’ Day

Anguish

Oh, those Facebook memories. Sometimes so brutal. Torturous.   May 8.   Two years ago, May 8, 2015, I walked the stage, officially received my doctorate. What a happy joyful wonderful day. And, of course, Wen added her humor to it, commenting about my little mishap when trying to get off the stage: “omg, she … More Anguish

Immortality

Since last Sunday I’ve been thinking a lot about our not saying goodbye to each other. I felt torn apart. Should we have acknowledged reality and said goodbye. But we couldn’t. Just couldn’t. The impossibility of the word goodbye. And maybe we didn’t need to say goodbye. Then yesterday someone posted the video of Celine … More Immortality

First and Last

There we are my love. So young. My seventeenth birthday, April 16, 1981. You were fifteen. The first time I celebrated my birthday with you, Wen, my love. My heart breaks looking at that photo. You loved me back then. I loved you, too, but not in a romantic way. We were best friends, spending … More First and Last

Birthday Mourning

This year marks the second year that I enter a new year of my life without you, Wen, by my side – celebrating me and showering me with your love. It is still a day I simply cannot celebrate. How could I when you are not with me? It is not a happy day for … More Birthday Mourning

Shadow Heart

Sundays are special days for me. They are the day when I always take the time to sit with you, my love. Remembering all that was our life. Sundays are hard days for me. Because they remind me of your suffering. And they remind me of all that we lost. Our future that was ripped … More Shadow Heart